Finding My Way In

Looking back on my first blog here I thought "Whoa!". How needlessly down on myself could I be? I don't really know what has happened since then to alter my mindset so much but I feel I'm in quite a different place now. Rather than recounting all my shortcomings and producing some sort of drab confessional I now hope to write something in a more positive vein. My blog will still revolve around my successes and failures in the lurve department but hopefully to your delight rather than making your daily steps towards the end of your mortal coil yet more unbearable - see, aren't I jolly?

Last November I had one of those conversations that smacks you so hard around the conscience you retreat into yourself, sulk like a bitch and generally make life awkward for those around you. This conversation, which at the time I thought I could have done without, rather opened my eyes. I'd been asked by my friend why I loathed the whole dating thing so much and the excuses I'd been telling myself for months...who am I kidding?!...years came pouring out. After several attempts to rile me, my friend turned to me and said, "You're so self-righteous, aren't you?". Even now I'm not sure if I am/was being self-righteous - it's all relative anyway - but it was time to face facts. I'd been kidding myself. As big a romantic as I am it was pointless to assume that love would fall on my lap without going on a few dates. There might be some hurt, rejection and outright fear along the way but I anticipated that (I thought of little else!). What I hadn't anticipated was that I might also be able to laugh, learn and feel good about myself too!

So, come December I had re-joined Gaydar and within 24 hours, I had a date! Needless to say I hadn't stumbled upon the 'one'. What I had stumbled upon was essentially a man distilled from all my neuroses. I may be a bit shy and I'm hardly pro-active but I like to think I have a bit of gumption! Here was a guy who didn't do crowds, heights, hot drinks, alcohol, eating-out, bed sharing, department stores, markets, red meat or public toilets - amongst other things. On top of this he wouldn't part with his cash, took me to Boots for travel sickness pills (the thrills!) and perhaps worst of all, he foamed at the mouth (and not in a good way). After two hours of traipsing the streets of Edinburgh, dodging crowds all the way, I decided to politely get the fuck outta there! The old me would have relinquished my gaydar membership there and then but I didn't. I told my flatmate how things had gone and began to laugh. Here was a person worse than me. That's a terrible thing to say, but he was. I suddenly felt like Casanova in comparison. Besides, I had other offers coming my way...

Admittedly some of the offers I've had have been laughable. I was asked very politely if I wouldn't mind pooing in someone's mouth. The gentleman who asked me if I was up for this liked to be dominated and could think of nothing better than recieving a steaming pile of my...in his mouth. Naturally I declined.

Then I recieved a direct message from someone whose profile I promptly went to inspect. It stated: "If you can fit a creme egg under your foreskin then you're my man!". If that is your fetish then you ain't my man! Anyway, who on earth could do that to a poor, defenceless, delectable creme egg?!

And some of the profile names! Ha. Zookmacockov has to be a personal favourite.

Then an offer I liked came my way. A nice man who flattered me - flattery always works - was in town and was looking to spend some time with a handsome chap, such as myself, in his hotel room. Well, I'd never intentionally set out to have a one-off shag with anyone but you know what? I needed this. And extra bonus, he was staying in a hotel I'd always wanted to see inside of. Fickle, fickle bastard. So after a couple of massive cups of complimentary 'calming' tea we took ourselves to the plushest bed I ever did see. Fun was had. And then, and then...we went shopping for lampshades...as you do. We soon parted company and to my surprise I wasn't wracked with guilt. I felt great. This whole malarkey wasn't nearly so complex as I had let myself believe!

A few more dates are lined up. I don't want to dwell on them too much. That was the old me. I shall simply look forward to them in my special way.

What a long way I've come from willingly choosing the path of celibacy and neglecting the advances of menfolk.

I only hope I haven't sickened you with my ramblings.